What am I doing wrong? This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. I wanted to say thank you to those who shared their stories and especially to those whose answers said what is more motherly than to UNCONDITIONALLY love their child, no matter what response they may be giving me. Its hard for me to deal with this feeling, but being sad about this hasnt helped at this point. hi my baby is 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! But I think something else is equally important if not more. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. she fetches her from pre school to be with her , she does mind going with him but when im there , she even cries, she can take anything that he bring her , bt wont allow him to hold her or talk to him. i just feel like a bad parent coz as soon as my partner comes home my daughter is all smiles again, so she makes me out to be a lier. So youve done great job. This has been for pretty much his whole life. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. Take your baby for a casual walk. On the Internet Viral Reddit Baby Family. Discuss a plan with mom. And Im 14!! My son is 18 mos old. Paula. The other important thing is to protect your supply. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. Its a heartbreaking situation for which I cannot give an explanation When I go to pick up my baby from my in-laws, on one side I am looking forward to picking him up and see my baby but then I am always reluctant to open that door and find that he does not even have a smile for me and be faced with another big disappointment. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. I had the same with my daughter, which happened at maybe 7 or 8 months. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. But 3 weeks ago I got hospitalized. I have a 9-month-old baby, who doesnt seem to want me anymore. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. I would really urge you to sit back and think hard on what limits are absolutely necessary for you to set and what you can let go of right now. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. thanks for listening to my views. Hi everyone, Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. Peek-a-boo. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. Things went downhill from there. Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. Please take care. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. She dribbled a lot of it out at first and he said she fussed a little a couple of times, but she does good now. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. So I came online, and read this entire thread. For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. I dont know what to do. i feel so alone and depressed. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. Thanks for taking the time to read, So the legal battles began, the mother finally got a job after 2 years (shes 37) and he was finally able to reduce the child support from $1600 a month to $800 since the mother should have been able to pay for her personal expenses. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. I try to play with her and make her laugh all the time. It may take a few tries for that method to work. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. I am in a similar state..My daughter has chosen my husband and my MIL always over me..I had a C section and whenever she used to cry as a newborn my MIL would come and whisk her away..Dad was her all time fav cos he would sing to her in his deep voice..I comforted myself saying that it would all be fine but she is one year old now and I see no improvement..When she is crying, she doesnt want me.My MIL whisks her away and she stops crying in a sec..My MIL thinks I am not doing a good job as a mon and that erodes my confidence as a working woman and a mom..I regret having my baby sometimes even though she is the most beautiful angel in my eyes..I cry and I have a diary written for her to read when she becomes a mom..On the overall I dont feel like a mom..My daughter doesnt hug me..She doesnt call me Mama.She hugs her dad and grandma all the time and says even Apple and Papa..I guess I am just not meant to live!! I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). Very scary! He cant even get close to here with a crying. My son is now 14 mos old and he is bonded to me. Please dont give up on your babies. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. Quote #4. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. XOXO, Paula. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. Adjustment takes time. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. My son has done this to me ever since he was about 4 months old. She is breastfed but dh has been been they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. My son is 9 months old and , Ive always taken care of him feed, everything he needs Ive been by his side since we left the hospital, now that I moved to another state he doesnt call me momma anymore he calls it to his grandma he just doesnt seem to need me anymore . Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. Hi all. Still, for those of us who are lucky enough to have companies that offer small amounts of paid maternity leave, it's still much shorter than most other countries and often ends far before mom and baby are ready. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. Focus on love and fun! Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. Been that way for the past year now. I am very responsive with both. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. I found the update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other side especially helpful. And even being so young, she can sense your tension, which might make her slightly stressed, if that is how you feel. It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. After some time, if all adults involved really try to focus on what is best for the baby and put their personal feelings aside, things will eventually turn out well. Its all new to me and its hard to mother when youre only 22. Awaken his interest by laying down on the floor and playing with his toys, start kicking a ball, or whatever will catch his interest. If you can work part-time, do so. Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. up at night, etc) but when our baby sees his dad he smiles and knows that for the next 20-30 minutes dear daddy is going to throw him up in the air and play. i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. He is now almost 4 and cries every time his dad leaves and tells me he doesnt want me. - Author Lori Mihalich-Levin in Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave.". It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. Do you think itll pass? But then I realized that I dont give that to each of my children every day at all. Or that babies dont do that. Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. It must be very confusing for her. Most likely, your son is going through a phase when he is turning out towards the world. Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. so its my mom or her caretaker. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. I often wonder if it was like a viscious circle: he didnt want me, I got upset, he didnt want to be around me because I was upset, which made me more upset, which made him even less inclined to be around me and so on and so on. I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. What should I do Please help. Personally, I think reading books about child development and how to help your child in life can be very rewarding both to help one as a parent with becoming more confident and also to find ways to be able to discuss how to raise a child without it becoming angry or sensitive. He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. Unrequited love hey. this is not your fault. If anything, it will harm the situation more. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. I know you'll be great. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! So who knows, within a month, you might be carrying a whining little daughter all day long. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. Most nursing strikes are over, with the baby back to breastfeeding, within two to four days. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! Laura, youre not silly, youre human! I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. Tonight, he did not want to come to me she had to push him on me! But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! If I am not around she is fine with her mom to an extent but still keeps pestering her mom wanting dad to come home and do things. This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. (And by all means, get the same kind of time alone with your three year old too!). How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. So thanks for speaking up! Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. My partner is the light of his life. That is actually a very sensitive age when separation and stranger anxiety set is. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. When you spend time with your baby, make it 'quality' time . They can also act very competitive towards the parent of the same gender. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. read about this website and how it all started here. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. Maybe worth trying for you too? First thing to remember is to feed the baby. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. Im Paula and you can read about this website and how it all started here. I felt like a true bond wasnt there. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! 6. Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. You are not alone, you have not done anything wrong and you should not be feeling this sad. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? it has been like this for over a year now & i now just resent them. 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